A Obese Girls Journey To Normalcy

Only 41 Days Left

2012-02-19T10:17:00.000-08:00

Only 41 days left until D-Day and there is so much to accomplish. I have yet to get the bathroom remodeled which will begin on the 27th of February, the baby shower on March 10th, then washing and sorting and organizing all that stuff, installing the car seat, packing my bag, Ryan's bag and Sopheria's bag for the hospital, figuring out what I am going to do with Landon. While I think he should be there up until active labor and right after his sister is born, I do not think he should be there for any exams or the actual birth.

    As the time draws near I get worried and begin to think that maybe I should just schedule a C-section so we can have a plan and make sure everything runs smoothly and with no ill effects, but then I keep thinking of how cheated I felt with the C-section I had with Landon. While Landon came out healthy and safe I think the C-section was rushed, and I was not given a fair chance of having a normal birth.

   Ryan thinks I should just not worry about it and just got with the flow, after all this little lady inside my belly is the one who will be calling ALL the shots. I am just here for the ride so to speak. LoL. I keep imagining what it will be like to have a baby around the house again, it has been 7 years since Landon was born and it seems like so much longer then that. I feel like a whole new mother again, I wonder if I will be able to do this, be able to get up all night with her, and take care of her.

    I hope those people who claim it's like riding a bike are right, cause I am rather nervous about it. I am however looking forward to not being pregnant any longer, like I tell Ryan and anyone else who asks how I am enjoying being pregnant. I like 2 parts of it...#1 people actually being able to tell I am pregnant and not just fat and #2 being able to feel her move all around. But other then those 2 things I can't wait for her to come out and have this over with. I never imagined how hard pregnancy could be on my body and emotions. I can't tell you the last time I had a good night sleep, it seems if I am not up going to the bathroom I am up just laying in bed.

    I am looking forward to the baby shower on March 10th, most of those coming haven't seen me since last Summer when we first found out, so it will be fun to see them again. I woke up yesterday with a slight head cold, stuffy nose, heavy and itchy eyes, and just an over all blah feeling, today isn't proving to be much better. I hope it passes soon.

   And on that note I think I will sign off of here and go write in Sopheria's pregnancy journal and spend some time in her room then lay down for a nap...or try to take a nap.

Pregnancy Journey After WLS

2012-01-20T04:20:00.000-08:00

Well, for anyone who has been reading my blog ya'll should know I am 29 weeks pregnant and a year and a half post op from RNY Gastric Bypass surgery. This pregnancy has been do much different then I remember my first one. I am not sure if that is due to a smaller/healthier body or an older more experienced mind, maybe a bit of both.

I have to admit the only thing I have really enjoyed about this pregnancy was getting to feel this miracle move inside me and hear her little heartbeat. I have been so moody and craby, tired and achy with this pregnancy that I don't remember with the last. It will all be well worth the discomforts but it just seems to never end.

I find myself thinking this time has gone so fast now that I look back over the past 7 months. On July 25th which was also my 1 year surgiversary Ryan and I found out we were 3 weeks pregnant. What an amazing day it was. Neither of us could stop smiling we were both so happy.

It's kinda funny how you feel great but man when you are finally told you are pregnant it's like the body is like ok time to make you sick, cause from that day on I was so nauseous everyday. But it eventually passed thank heavens. The pregnancy has been uneventful which is a wonderful thing. We have been right on schedule with no complications. Now, with only 11 weeks to go I can't believe that our daughter will be here so soon.

I have so much I want to do before she comes, I want the house to be perfect for her arrival, although I am starting to think that may not happen. Last week I completed my 14 day glucose tolerance test, I have to prick my finger 4 times a day for 14 days and record my blood sugar results. They were normal and the doctor said to just keep doing what I have been, that she was very happy.

I weighed 182lbs at the last appointment on January 17. Which is a total gain of 31lbs I believe. Which is hard to swallow but I know once the baby is born I will be able to lose my weight and get to my pre-pregnancy goal.

I often sit and wonder what this house will be like with a newborn in it...It's going to be 7 years in February since I had a little baby around. I assume it will be much different and yet much happier. I keep hoping she is a cute baby and not an ugly baby, Ryan usually just laughs at me when I talk to him about it. I suppose it is just the "mother" in me and the not knowing for sure aspect.

On another note, there are TONS of women having babies in the WLS community. I was kinda jealous at first, I didn't want to share being pregnant with anyone, it sounds weird but maybe some of you know what I mean, I don't mean it badly just differently. But anymore I get so excited for all those both WLS and not who are pregnant. I keep thinking that come April/May there is going to be a huge population explosion! Maybe we will be known as the baby boomers of 2012. Haha It is such an exciting time getting to read and hear about each person's unique pregnancy journey.

I especially love talking to WLS post ops who are pregnant because we share alot of the same thoughts, struggles, and feelings and it helps to have such caring people to turn to.

Classes start back up on Monday the 23rd and I am kinda nervous, if I don't do well this semester I will be on academic probation and be suspended for a semester, which wouldn't be bad with the baby coming but it would mean pushing back graduation and that would suck. I just hope Sopheria comes on time and close to her due date because then I will have 4 week left of classes before Summer vacation. It should all work out where I take the week she is born off and then return to classes and just take her with me. I suppose we shall see what happens when the time comes.

The other thing weighing heavily on my mind is the birth, last pregnancy I had a C-Section and this time I want an all natural VBAC or vaginal birth after c-section. I hired a Doula which I hope and think will really be a positive impact on this experience. She is just the most wonderful woman. If you are pregnant I would strongly suggest if you have the extra money to hire a Doula, most people think they aren't worth the money or whatever but let me tell you the things she has done for me already and the help I know she will be to my husband when labor begins it will be well worth it.

Well, That is it for this episode of spill your guts cause you are bored and have no friends. LMFAO! Thanks for reading!

Letter To My Pap - 12/23/11

2011-12-28T08:28:00.000-08:00

You were sick for so long and you hung in there as long as you could. Finally, God called you home to be free of pain and suffering and you went with him hand in hand into his kingdom of Heaven leaving us all behind to mourn for you.

They all say we should celebrate your life, but it is hard to continue life without you being there. You have always been there and now all of a sudden you are gone and this hole in my heart doesn't ever seem like it will heal. You are free and happy and pain free now, and I wish I could be happy and glad that you are at peace and got your last Christmas wish but it hurts so bad to know I will never again be able to wrap my arms around you and kiss your head goodnight. It hurts to know my future kids will not have the joy of knowing you in person.

I remember our last conversation you said something about me coming all this way back to babysit you, and I would do it all over again if it meant I could talk to you one last time. To hear you say you love me is the only thing that I hang on to at this point. At least that is what I thought you said, it was so hard to hear you. Giving you those last drinks of Pepsi and milk through your straw, I wish I could have breathed life back into you.

You were only 64 and had so much more to offer the world and those in it. I don't cry because you are dead I cry because my life has a hole in it where you once were. I am glad you are happy and at peace and I would never want you to suffer like that again but it still hurts knowing you will not be just a call away.

You were and will always be my hero and my best friend, the only one who could cure my hiccups from miles away, the only one who knows how to give a monkey back ride in the living room on a Friday night, the only one who can enjoy a "Car Quest" for all it's worth, knowing the thrill of getting that one last car and completing the collection. We had so many wonderful timesand great memories, those are the thoughts that keep me going each day when all I want to do is break down and never leave my bed again.

Knowing that you would want me to be happy and keep Landon happy keeps me from crying all day, although there are moments during the day that I break down without being able to control it.

This Christmas and others to follow will never be the same, there will be train layout when we come to your house, there will be no you at all, at least not in the physical body you once had. You will remain in the house through spirit and memory for always though.

I miss you more then I ever thought possible and I hope you know exactly how much I love you. Keep the Angels company, they are so lucky to have you and I was lucky and blessed to have you in my life while God allowed it.

theworldaccordingtoeggface: Celebrate Healthy Holidays Giveaway

2011-12-04T08:33:00.000-08:00

theworldaccordingtoeggface: Celebrate Healthy Holidays Giveaway: The BEST GIFT I ever received was a second chance at a healthy life by having weight loss surgery . When you sign on the dotted line for wei...

Here We Go Week 23

2011-12-04T07:14:00.000-08:00

These past few weeks have been so hard on me. I get very angry for no reason, very sad for no reason, very depressed for no reason and my poor family suffers. I am not sure how to get past these emotional roller coasters? I don't even realize I am on them until it's too late and I have hurt my families feelings.

I know everyone says "hormones" "pregnancy" it will pass but at the same time each day is a struggle to bite my tongue and keep my family's feelings safe. My husband said to me today that he is worried because I have such extreme emotional changes. I refuse to go see a doctor because I do not want pills and I do not need pills I just need to figure out how to be happy again.

I mean what don't I have to be happy about...my family is healthy, my unborn daughter is healthy, we have food on our table and a roof over our head. I really think having the financial issues that we have been having is what adds to this...I think the emotional outbursts are due to stress and not hormones.

I have been under incredible stress lately which I try to avoid by locking myself away from everyone and everything in my bedroom because I fear what the stress will do to the baby, but it's a very depressing solution because I am always alone, Landon is always alone and Ryan is always alone...it just doesn't seem like the right answer.

Ugh I suppose I will just have to continue to try to get out of this rut that I am in. I am hoping with the end of this semester I can have some me time and return to the happy pregnant lady instead of the miserable one. Wish me luck!

November 15, 2011 - Almost Christmas

2011-11-15T11:21:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it is only 5 weeks and 5 days until Christmas day?! I only bought 2 things so far for Landon...Suppose I should get on the ball!

Well, I have lots of news to share for anyone willing to read and who haven't been on my Facebook or YouTube lately. Ryan and I had our ultrasound last Thursday to see how the baby is and what sex it is. We found out we are having a ...

Ryan and I couldn't be happier, although we would have been happy with a boy or girl as long as it was healthy but we secretly wanted a little girl this time. They changed my due date to April 2, 2012 now instead of the 1st or 4th. Haha so sometime in the first week of April we should have a new little girl running around.

I lost 1lb at my last doctor appointment which was last Tuesday, so I have a total gain of 12lbs according to my doctor and 17lbs according to me. I go by my lowest weight compared to my weight now.

Today marks 20 weeks along and only 20 more to go, we are 5 months pregnant and half way through. It is amazing that we are half way already. It seems like just yesterday we found out we were only 3 weeks along and here we are half way to meeting our baby girl!

The blessing of this whole thing was we found out that we were pregnant on my 1 year Surgiversary, which is just amazing to me. I hit my one year mark with a loss of 181lbs and found out we are having a baby. What a wonderful day that was.

We decided to register at Toys'R'Us for anyone who wanted me to post our registry link. So I will be posting it in here as well.

Babies"R"Us - Baby Registry

I will admit I have been having some serious fears about having to have another C-Section. I really do not want to go through that again, and I know if Sopheria's health is at risk it will happen with no second thoughts but if I can avoid it I would love to.

Well, I suppose I will go I just wanted to update everyone who reads this.

Some Fresh New Pics...Total Lost 181lbs

2011-10-23T16:28:00.000-07:00

14 Weeks Pregnant After Gastric Bypass & Meet & Greet Info

2011-10-04T09:48:00.000-07:00

Wow, I really need to keep up with this thing, I am like the most organized person when it comes to my house but the most disorganized every where else, and from what I hear it only gets worse when you have more then one kiddo running around.

So, the things that have been going on...Well the East Coast Meet & Greet was on October 1, 2011 and it was absolutely wonderful. I met so many wonderful people who have support my journey from the get go and it was amazing to finally hug them and talk to them while looking into their faces! I had such a good time. The meet and greet was in Atlantic City, Nj and from what I hear will be there next year, I am starting to save now to Ryan and I can spend the whole weekend there and spend even more time with these wonderful people I am proud to call friends!

The pregnancy has been going good, I am 14 weeks as of tomorrow. We have another monthly check up appointment on the 11th of this month just to make sure all is well and then finally on November 10th we get to find out what we are having, as long as little one cooperates with the technician.

I have been eating like mad but have only gained 4lbs according to the dr's scale. According to my scale the following numbers...

Pre Pregnancy Lowest Weight - 151lbs

July 25, 2011 - First Dr Apt - 154lbs

Sept 2011 - Dr apt - 159lbs

So, according to the Dr I have gained just the right amount, me though I am still scared about not being able to lose the weight after the baby, but I actually have a new goal. I want to weigh 132lbs before the Meet & Greet next year...So I have until October 6, 2012 to lose whatever weight I gain with the baby and my other 20lbs from my lowest weight. So we will see what happens but I am working hard after the baby is out and well.

I have been feeling yucky since yesterday, I slept most of yesterday and I am seriously about to go back to bed now, I am so tired and yucky...Ugh I hope this passes, I have not taken any pills other then my vitamins for over a year and I would hate to start now.

We have been going to church for the past 2 weeks now, and it is amazing. Every time I enter the church I just feel so free, all my problems are gone and I just love being there. This week we are having a dinner for the Pastors for pastor appreciation month and Landon is going to Grandma Janet's, So, I have noone to go with. I might just make something to take and go to church then come back home. I dunno yet though...

Well, I actually think I am going to go to bed for a bit, catch up soon.

7 Weeks Pregnant....Some Random Thoughts

2011-08-05T06:27:00.000-07:00

So, I am very excited to be having this blessing grow inside me, I am excited to know I am nurturing it and will soon give it life. I am also scared about gaining weight. I was 151lbs when I got pregnant as of this morning I am now 156lbs. I have gained 5lbs.

According to this website I was on to have a healthy pregnancy I should gain between 25-35 lbs. That is based on current height and weight btw! This means I should weigh between 176-186 when I deliver our baby. That is almost 200lbs again. I am not sure I am ready to see those numbers on my scale again so soon.

It feels like I just got out of the 200's and here I am going to go back into them. I want to exercise and eat less but now I am afraid of not getting the baby what it needs to grow strong. It's not like I can do a 5 day pouch test to reclaim my lowest weight of 151lbs now. Because I don't think baby would survive on 3 protein shakes a day and water.

I have so much on my mind, the top of it is I want my baby to be safe, healthy and happy. Coming in at a close second is my own selfish desires of not wanting to get fat again. I suppose the only thing I can do is erase it from the mind, enjoy this pregnancy and try to stay healthy, eating wise and then one the baby is out and healthy and safe then go back to my "normal" way of life until I get back to goal weight.

7 Weeks Pregnant Now

2011-08-02T07:21:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 7 week mark in my pregnancy. The past two days have been a living hell not only for me but for my family. I was a bitch on wheels. I was unable to control my temper and lashed out on anyone and anything close enough to me.

I think alot of this anger came from quitting smoking. My last cigarette was Saturday evening and my husband and I decided it was time to quit. We wanted to give ourselves a healthier life as well as our son and now our unborn baby. So, I think that was aiding in the pissed off state that I was in.

Today is day 3 since we stopped smoking and I feel a bit better, I am still thinking about it but not nearly as often as before.

Ok, so now that, that is out of the way time to get back to being 7 weeks pregnant...According to my pregnancy website....

"This week your baby's brain is growing at a mind-boggling 100 cells per minute within a see-through skull. If you could peer inside, you'd see those tiny brain cells growing and growing and growing.

More high points include:

Your baby's face is becoming more defined this week. A tiny mouth hole, tongue, nostrils and ear indentations are visible. His or her eyes are wide open, but he doesn't have irises (the colored part) yet.

Baby's arm buds are growing. At this point they look more like microscopic ping-pong paddles than arms. Baby's leg buds are also forming and will look like tiny paddles by the end of the week.

The umbilical cord—the connection between your baby and the placenta—is now visible.

Your baby is now between 1/3 and 1/4 inch long—about the length of a Tic Tac and about as heavy as an eyelash. While that sounds tiny, he or she is approximately 10,000 times bigger than at conception."

It is amazing, Ryan and I have our first appointment with the doctor next Monday, August 8th @ like 9am I think it is. I am hoping they try to find the heartbeat. It is kinda like a way to bring it home. You know you are pregnant but you don't actually believe it until you hear the heartbeat or see the ultrasound for the first time, at least that is how it is for me. Although there are times I swear I can feel this baby moving inside me already. I feel this tightening in my lower left side of my tummy especially after drinking cold milk.

Big Bitch Lately

2011-08-01T18:34:00.000-07:00

It seems that no matter what it is, how small and unnecessary, I have been getting pissed at the dumbest things. I mean really pissed! The past two days I have been yelling and cursing at everyone, hating everything, Just being miserable. Tonight I broke Landon's piggy bank because I slammed it down cause I was mad he got the plug stuck inside. I never meant to get angry nor did I mean to break it. I bought him a new one and sat down with him and explained how sorry I was and asked him to forgive me. I told him I got him a new one. Buying a new one does not erase what I did though. I felt horrible, I cried for the next hour.

I don't know what is happening. It's like I don't get mad, don't get mad, then all of a sudden all I see if red and it's uncontrollable. I know this is not fair to Ryan or Landon and yet I can't control it any of the time. Does anyone have any advice on how to help calm myself without meds/pills?

1 Year Surgiversary & 6 Weeks Pregnant

2011-07-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I found out on Monday that we are 6 weeks pregnant! We are so excited and yet I am scared to death. I just hit my 1 year mark for post op for RNY gastric bypass and I am so worried about the baby. I hope my body can give her (yes I am assuming it's a girl haha) what she needs to grow and be healthy. I would feel horrible if something happened to her because of my body's lack of ability. So, we are all praying for her/him to be ok.

I got to go to the doctors for my "initial" visit on August 8th so I will talk to him and let him know all about the RNY and see if he has any advice for us.

So, it has been a year since my surgery now and this past year has been amazing! I lost a total of 181lbs in that year and became a whole new person with a whole new life. It is amazing how much better people treat you when you are a "normal" size. I work with this woman who is really big and she is considering the RNY surgery as well. I see all the time how people look at her and treat her and feel so bad. It's sad how shallow people can be!

I also find myself looking at all the big people now and feeling sorry for them. I know how they feel and I know how it feels to get control of your weight back. I wish WLS could be offered to more people, instead of those who have insurance and can afford it. Not to sound ignorant but have you noticed most of the big people are those in the middle to low class bracket? Just an observation I made through the past year. I think it tells you something, don't you?

So, I am trying to stop smoking for this little baby inside me, I went from almost 2 packs a day to less then a half a pack a day. I think I am doing good.

I think I am gonna keep this blog updated more often same with my YouTube that way I can keep everyone interested informed about the pregnancy and stuff. It's just hard it's amazing how much busier I am not that I am thinner, I actually like to go out of my house haha

Speaking of I have to run out now for a bit, but I will definitely keep this blog updated. I hope everyone has a great day and awesome week.

Things I Can Do Since Surgery

2011-04-07T11:28:00.000-07:00

There are so many things that I discover each day that I can do since my surgery.

I can cross my legs and be comfortable and I can cross them without having to pull my leg up and put it in place.
I can jog for more then just a few steps. I keep trying to work up to jogging a mile, I can do a half mile as of now.
I can go places by myself without fear of people.
I can hold my head up and not worry about people staring at me and making rude comments
I enjoy life in general now, it seems to hold so much more then it ever did before.
I still think about food constantly, but I can say no to those foods that are not healthy for me, most times anyway.
I can walk and run up and down a flight of stairs without being completely out of breath.
I am learning how to not eat until I am stuffed, I can push food away and not feel so bad about it.
I can run around and play with my son
I can shop in the normal size section of stores
I can wear calf high boots without them being skin tight
I can wear skinny jeans and not look ridiculous
I got a real job outside of the house
I just have so much more confidence in things I do

It is amazing that this surgery has given me a whole new life, yes it is still a struggle every day even now, I struggle eating the right foods, and struggle with exercise and just doing the right thing in general, but with my little tummy he always reminds me when I am stupid.

It's like a good friend once posted on Facebook "You have to respect the pouch" if you don't it will cause hell for you, and I am thankful for that each and every moment of the day. Without my pouch I often wonder where I would be right now. If I was still 350lbs where would my life be today...certainly not like it is now. I wake up each morning and the scale is the first thing I see, it is a great start to each day for me.

Some sad news now...I had to take my 2 white kittens and little dog to the pound the other day, it was sad but a good thing. the other 3 cats and 2 dogs are so much happier now, and Landon was glad because Tiny the little dog bit him in the hand last week. The guy are the pound said that they would all find good homes cause they are all so cute, so that made me feel better about it.

I took Jacko to the vets last night, the bloody stool is just a side effect of him not being able to digest the dyes they put in the food. Tell me is there any "good" pet food out there, that isn't made with a bunch of crap and fillers and doesn't cost $50 for a 10lbs bag. It's sad that the pets in our lives have to eat crap food cause they won't make healthy food for them.

I woke up today at 176lbs - that's 156lbs gone forever and only 44lbs till I reach my goal of 132lbs. I am so excited but it almost seems to good to be real, like I can't believe that I am this close to goal when not even 9 months ago I was pushing 400lbs. It's such an amazing feeling, kinda surreal.

But that is about all I have to say...I hope whoever reads this is having a nice Thursday.

8 Months Post Op Have Come & Gone

2011-04-02T09:21:00.000-07:00

8 Months Post Op - 183lbs - Size 14 jeans and Large top

181lbs - The same swimsuit I wore before surgery


181lbs - My old outfit that I wore before surgery

     First, I thought I would share some recent pictures since I am the world's worst blog updater. These pictures were taken this past week so they are the most recent. Life has been a bit crazy, I started my job at McDonald's back in November and am still in school. So, I pretty much work and go to school, it's so hectic for me I am beginning to forget what my son and husband look like. Haha

     Not sure if I wrote about it or not yet, but I did take the TEAS exam a month or so ago...I failed the math and science portions so I had no chance of making it into the nursing program this fall. I can retake the math and science portions next September and apply for the nursing program for fall 2012. Do I wanna wait that long? Not at all but I want to be a nurse more then anything else in the world. I can't see myself doing anything but that and I love McDonald's but I certainly do not want to be a lifer there.

     Which brings me to my next topic, I absolutely love my job the only issue I have is how immature people can be. The high school kids I understand but the adults...I often just shake my head and ask Really? I suppose some people just don't ever grow up. Oh well, I show up for my shift, collect my paycheck and get to come home to a loving wonderful family.

   I woke up today and weighed myself....180lbs That's 152lbs gone and only 48lbs till goal. I had a goal to lose 18lbs each month until June. That would put me at goal of 132lbs before we go to the beach June 3rd. Well, for the month of March I lost 14lbs I am 4lbs short. I was so disappointed, but if I lose 22lbs for April I will still be on track.

    I have changed my diet up alot since the last time I made a blog entry. I no longer eat bread, pasta, tortillas, chips (well every once in awhile) and I try to eat one of my Kashi granola bars for lunch and then eat a protein packed dinner. It seems to be working so far. It's so hard to stay on track for me when it comes to chips. I wish I just had no desire for them. I suppose that would make this journey too easy then. Huh?

     I have also been struggling with my mental fat self...Everyone says how thin I am, how tiny I am, and things like that. But I simply can't see it. I still see the fat me when I look in the mirror or walk down the road and people stare, I can't help but think they are staring cause I am so huge. My clothing size is the only thing keeping me believing. I can see my clothes getting smaller which helps but mentally I am still huge. I am still that 400lbs person. Anyone else feel this way?

     How do you take a compliment from someone without feeling completely embarrassed? I get the oh you look great, you are so thin, you are getting too thin, blah blah blah and I can always feel my cheeks getting red and I simply smile and say an awkward thanks, but I always feel so uncomfortable when these situations happen. It's not something I am used to.

    I dunno, but I am doing relatively well in school. I have a C minus in A&P II which will not cut it so I have been really trying to work hard to bring it up to a B so it will count for the nursing program, if and when I ever get in. Which got me to thinking. If I don't make it into the nursing program for Fall 2012 I am quitting school and going to go to CCCTCC for their LPN program, it's just a degree program but I could at least get my foot in the door. The issue...at LHU I get financial aid at CCCTCC I will have to pay for the course out of pocket which is a $1,000 if not more. I have seen people on Ebay post "Help me with my college tuition" auctions for like a buck and people do it. Like donations I guess. The goofball part of me was thinking what a great idea...but I dunno it sounds like begging to me. What do you think?

     I am not sure what else to really talk about I think I basically caught you up to speed on what has been happening in life. If anyone even reads this. If not that's ok too cause I set it up so I can look back and see what my journey was like. I hope if you are reading this that you have a great Saturday.

7 Months Post Op Has Come & Gone

2011-02-28T06:48:00.000-08:00

I saved a little worm today at school, standing outside as normal smoking my cigarette, I looked down and there was this little worm trying to make it back to the soft dirt which he calls home. I knew he would never make it, I bent down and picked him up, and gave him a little toss into the wet grass. Before I knew it he had buried himself in his little burrow. Good deed for the day is done.

I woke up this morning figuring I would be on day 3 of my stall. I was 196 on Thursday, 198 on Friday and 197 for the past two days. I hate gaining it makes me feel like such a failure. But anyways this morning when I woke up I woke up to the scale reading 195.8! Woot stall broken and time to more forward!

The tech for this damn treadmill hasn't responded to my attempt to contact him, so this week each day he will be getting phone calls, text messages, and voice mails until he decides to come fix my freaking treadmill. I actually want to work out, yes, that's right you heard me right I WANT TO WORK OUT! I suppose it makes sense you only want things you can't have hahahaha.

I went into Johnstown yesterday to visit my family. The first stop was my mother's house, for some reason I always feel uncomfortable like I am not invited. It's odd. Ryan and I walk in the door and I swear the only person happy to see us was Makenna. Again such is life I suppose I am used to this all by now, it's only been 26 years in the making. PFT whatever! Second stop was my grandparents...my grandma makes the best freaking meatballs. Oh yea I did it...I had a small salad, 4 croutons, little bacon bits, cheese, light ranch and some homemade meatball thrown on top. PERFECTION!

So, back to the reason for this blog...my wls journey... Saturday marked 7 months post op. I began this journey at 332 and am now 195 which is a loss 137lbs in 7 months! It is amazing. I now wear a size 16 jeans and size large tops. The next size down in jeans puts me in the normal category! It seems so hard to believe I still mentally feel 332lbs it's odd...I can see the difference in my clothes but at the same time I feel huge still. I suppose it will take time for my mind to catch up with my body. Thank goodness I have a wonderful husband who reminds me daily that I am beautiful and "skinny".

So, this year June 3-12th we are going back down to NC with Ryan's parents and for once I can't wait. I want to be at goal or atleast at 145 before we leave. Speaking of goals I think I am changing mine from 145 to 132 that way I can lose an even 200lbs. What do you all think? I think it sounds like an awesome idea.

Well, I wanted to try to keep everyone up to date since I usually forget about this blog, but I must go and study now...this week is full of exams. Thanks for taking the time to read, comment and support me. You will never know how much the support and encouragement helps me keep pushing forward! *hugs to all*

Day 1 Of The Pouch Test

2011-02-18T18:16:00.000-08:00

What I ate...

Weight - 201.6

Breakfast - Latte (from Sheetz)

Calories - 188
Fat - 0
Carbs - 28
Fiber - 0
Protein - 20
Sugar - 24

Lunch - Protein Shake made with skim milk - Vanilla - 8 oz

Calories - 250
Fat - 1.5
Carbs - 20
Fiber - 5
Protein - 36
Sugar - 13

Dinner - Protein Shake made with skim milk - Vanilla - 8 oz

Calories - 250
Fat - 1.5
Carbs - 20
Fiber - 5
Protein - 36
Sugar - 13

Daily Totals:

Calories - 688
Fat - 3
Carbs - 68
Fiber - 10
Protein - 92
Sugar - 50

This was a rough day once I went to work, I just wanted food and then I began thinking that I wanted to go back to eating like I used to, which would be disastrous. I think a mixture of exhaustion and frustration has played with my brain today. I did not cheat and even though the night is still young I can do this and will stick to this pouch test.

Brutally Honest

2011-02-17T19:48:00.000-08:00

I sit here and type this as I eat a whole wheat Ritz, with a piece of swiss cheese and dill pickle. I am on my 5th little "sandwich". I did not feel hungry because I just ate 3 hours ago and yet I am snacking. I find the past few nights I snack. I know this is bad and when I wake up in the morning and expect to see a loss and don't I know why and I hate myself for it.

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have cut out all sweets even sugar free items for the most part, once in awhile I will have a popsicle or pudding but not daily. My thing is carbs, my body craves them and lately I find I get sick off of chips which is awesome because I don't eat them then, however I have been eating snacks like I am tonight or a slice of bread, maybe a bite more from dinner, second helpings at dinner. Now let me clarify I am in NO way eating as much as I was, but I know I am eating more then I should.

For 26 years food was my best friend, I turned to it for EVERYTHING, happy, sad, frustrated, bored, angry you name it and I ate. That is how I became 360lbs in 2009 I was out of control I was fat and miserable, I hated life and everything about it, mostly because I hated me. I am at a weight that I can be comfortable at now, no this is not my goal but losing 132 lbs is a good feeling. I only have 55lbs till goal I can do that before June...if I try!

My treadmill has been here a week and I used it once, to walk my 5K which I was so proud of and "can't find the time" to work out again. Boy isn't that always the excuse...I have no time and yet I have time to check email, log into Facebook and write this blog as I snack on unhealthy choices. Why? I honestly don't have the answer to that. Am I afraid to be below 200? I have lost my cloak of fat which I wore to shield me from the world, now I have a somewhat healthy body and should be happy and inspired to keep going to get to my best possible and yet I stall...What is wrong with me? I have support, I have love, I have everything anyone could want and yet...I still try to turn to food....

Someone once told me "It takes a day to develop a habit and years to break it" I don't have years I want to be the best me ASAP and I know what I need to do. I need to find the time to be healthy no matter what sacrifices need to be made for it to work. I risked my life just having this surgery and I sure as hell am NOT about to fuck it up now! (Sorry, excuse my language, I was on a roll) I am going to do this, I am not a quitter and I am determined to reach goal before the beach in June!

After watching Vikki's last video I decided to take her lead and have a 5 day pouch test. Starting tomorrow, nothing but liquids and counting calories AGAIN! I really feel counting every calorie holds you accountable and makes you aware of what you are actually putting into your body. Instead of a bite here and there you can look back and see I had x amount of calories, fat, sugar, carbs etc and these are the areas I need to improve on. So, that is my goal for this week, to complete the 5 day pouch test WITHOUT cheating and I can do it! I will blog or make YouTube videos to keep anyone out there who may be interested informed.

Sorry To Be A Slacker - Week 28 Update

2011-02-12T19:51:00.000-08:00

      Wow, again it's been forever, and I do apologize for that. School started back up in January and I actually got a job outside the house which makes logging in to this and writing a blog a little difficult. But let's play catch up like two old friends on the phone.

      I currently weigh 201 as of this morning (2-12-11) Which is a total loss of 131 lbs in 28 weeks. Kinda exciting. I am weighing Large/Xl tops and size 18 jeans, almost out of plus sizes! SO EXCITED! This picture is I believe my 6 month update picture. It gets hard to keep them apart, they sit on my camera so long I get confused.

      We are having our son's 6th birthday parties this weekend, today was the one at our house. It went awesome and tomorrow is the one back home for my family. My son's grandmother planned it for him, her husband died a few weeks ago after a long battle with cancer and she wanted to keep herself busy so she planned this party. I thought it was sweet. Which brings me to when we told Landon that his pap pap died, he cried more about the cockatiel that died a year ago then he did about pap pap. I am not sure if he didn't understand or what happened. It was odd.

     I don't know if it's because I am happier or what but I have grown to love my husband more then I did the day we got married, if that is possible. I have so much appreciation for him and what he does and I just look at him daily and feel like a little high school girl with a crush for the first time. It's odd but he says he feels the same and trust me after comparing before pics to now I don't know why he ever dated me in the first place I was so gross. It's a great thing though, so many people out there are shallow and base their relationships on pure physical attraction and those relationships hardly last only because your physical appearance changes, and here I found the love of my life and best friend when I was at my worst time in life and he loved me then, so I know we are meant to be. Because if he can love me when I was "fat" then he is gonna really love me once I reach goal. Haha

     It's so nice now he always calls me beautiful and tells me how nice I look and how skinny and how he seems to love me more now too. It's like our relationship has been reborn. I can't be more thankful that I was blessed enough to find him, marry him and have surgery. I think the feelings are changing because I am happier in life. Before I refused to leave the house, just wouldn't do it. I always felt people were staring and talking about me so I stayed in the house. Let me tell you how good it feels to get out and go shopping ALONE and know when people are looking now it's cause I make these skinny jeans look good. BWHAHAHA.

I actually got a job OUTSIDE the house, first time in 4 years. I work at a local McDonald's and LOVE it! I love interacting with people especially customers, just here's a bit of advice. When you go to a McDonald's don't look at the people like they are below you because of their job, because they are not. Just because we work at McDonald's doesn't mean we are not striving for something more. I know this place is the only place that will work around my school schedule and besides the job itself rocks. It's easy and fun at least in my store it is.

     Hmm....anything else to talk about..OH YEA! MY TREADMILL CAME! I ran a quarter of a mile solid without and stops. I was proud considering I haven't worked out in months! It's an awesome treadmill you can set a course through Ifit and Google and actually watch the path you are walking just like you would be in real life. Ryan has done a lap in NY it's too neat. The best $1,500 bucks I have ever spent. NordickTrac1750 is the brand. Love it!

     Now what else can I ramble on about....hmmmm.....how about?....no not that?....Well, I suppose that means I don't have anything else to ramble about. Haha Thanks to all those we read these blogs even though they are not consistent. Your support means alot more to me then you realize. I hope everyone has an awesome weekend.

Chicken, Broccoli, and Mushroom Casserole

2010-12-21T07:26:00.000-08:00

Guidelines:

GBP - Weeks 6-8 Post Op

Band - Weeks 6-8 Post Op

BPD - Weeks 6-8 Post Op

Ingredients:

6 (4oz) boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1/8 tsp salt

1/8 tsp black pepper

1 package (10oz) frozen broccoli florets

2 tsp light butter

3/4 lb fresh mushrooms, cleaned and sliced

1 can (8oz) low fat condensed cream of celery soup

2 tsp lemon juice

1/2 cup nonfat milk

1/4 cup sliced green onions (white and green parts)

1/4 cup seasoned bread crumbs

2 Tbsp grated parmesan cheese

2 Tbsp finely chopped fresh parsley

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees, Spray a medium-large (9x13inch) baking dish with cooking spray or light butter.

Sprinkle the chicken with the salt and pepper and place them in the prepared baking dish. Bake the chicken for 15 minutes. Leave the oven on.

Meanwhile, thaw and drain the broccoli florets.

Remove the chicken from the baking dish and cool in the fridge for 15 minutes. Then cut it into 1 inch pieces. Place the chicken back into the baking dish, add the broccoli.

In an 8-9 inch nonstick skillet, melt the light butter over medium-high heat and saute the mushrooms for about 8 minutes or until soft. Then distribute them evenly along with any juices over the chicken and broccoli.

In a small mixing bowl, combine the soup, lemon juice, milk and onions. Stir together. Pour the mixture over the chicken, broccoli, and mushrooms. Bake for 25 minutes.

In a small bowl mix together the break crumbs, cheese and parsley.

Remove the casserole from the oven and sprinkle the bread crumb mixture over the top.

Return the dish to the oven and back for 10 minutes more, or until crumb topping is golden brown.

Serve hot. 

Servings & nutritional values:

Makes 8 (1 cup) servings 

Calories - 161.11

Protein - 24.19g

Carbs - 8.95g

Total Fat - 3.38g

Sat Fat - 1.10g

Cholesterol - 51.67mg

Sodium - 386.20mg

Sugars - 2.62g

Fiber - 2.16g

Toasted Pita Chips - WLS Friendly Recipe

2010-12-15T19:11:00.000-08:00

For those who enjoy snacking on chips once in awhile here is a WLS friendly recipe to try instead of the chips.

Ingredients:

1 TBSP olive oil

6 whole wheat pita breads

1/2 tsp celery salt

1/2 tsp paprika

1/8 tsp black pepper

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F, Using a pastry brush, lightly brush oil on both sides of each pita.

2. Cut the pita into 8 wedges each.

3. In a small bowl, combine the celery salt, paprika, and pepper.

4. Place the pitas on a baking sheet and sprinkle one side with the seasoning mixture.

5. Bake the pitas for about 15 minutes, until the chips are beginning to turn a golden brown.

Let them cool before you attempt to eat them that way they are very crispy just like chips. I had mine with a little low fat sour cream and melted Mexican cheese, they were delicious. They would also be yummy on some soup.

Enjoy :-)

Tis Time To Get Back On The Right Path...

2010-12-15T19:04:00.000-08:00

     Let's begin this post with a look at what I used to look like...100+ pounds ago, I can't say for sure how much I weighed on the left but I know it was alot. Since surgery I have lost 100lbs as of today.

     After straying from the "right path" for a month or longer today I came to the realization I need to get back on track. So many people have told me I am their inspiration, or that I have inspired them to do something. This made me think how the hell can I inspire someone when I am not even walking on the correct path. I need to be the inspiration these people say I am, I need to be the person that people can look to for advice and motivation. I want to be able to help people whether they walk the WLS path or not and I can't do that is I can't even motive and inspire myself to do things.

     So, I have dug out my food journal and blew all the dust off the front cover, started a new page with tomorrow's date, because tomorrow I will begin this journey the right way. I will watch what I eat and count my calories and protein and of course water intake. I will monitor my exercise and make sure I am at least doing some form of exercise. I will make healthier food choices and cut out the snacking, remember you are not suppose to eat unless you are hungry!

     I will also use this blog page like it was originally intended...to journal about my journey the ups, downs and everything in between. I will be honest with myself and not try to kid myself or make excuses. This is my life, I had gastric bypass to regain control of it and I'll be damned if I am going to lose this control already!

     I will also be sharing my recipes with you all, from my WLS friendly cook books, although I can not make actual YouTube videos due to the crappy laptop cam and the fact my Logitech is connected to the desktop upstairs, but I will share the recipes with you all step by step on here as well. Together we will eat healthy and WLS friendly, we will exercise and be motivated to jog through this journey and enjoy every step of it...together!

     I look forward to this new start and I know with all the support from you wonderful people I will reach my end goal, just like I know you all will reach your goals in life no matter what those goals may be! Have faith, keep your head high and never stop pushing forward!

Almost 4 Months Post Op

2010-11-16T10:17:00.000-08:00

        Well, it's coming up fast...my 4 month post op mark...It's hard to believe it has been 4 months already on the 26th of this month. Seems like only yesterday I was starting my pre op 6 month diet...crying about how mean my PCP is and now I can throw it back at him that I am not a failure and that I have lost 90lbs! I don't like to toot my own horn but with that guy I deserve it, he was an asshole!

       So, what's been going on...hmmm well after my boss called me a liar, cheater and thief I told him to kiss my rosey red ass and quit so now I am attempting to find a job till I get out of school. Actually what I want to do is work at someplace and pay to get my CNA then find a CNA job to work until I graduate with a PA from Lock Haven. I have an interview with a company our in State College, they are looking for a home health aid, and I hope if I get it that they will pay for my CNA schooling...It's $1,000 for it all which isn't too bad considering what I am paying for my PA. Haha

      What else....let's see here...I have all my papers typed up for school, well rough drafts anyways, it's almost Thanksgiving break and then soon will follow with Christmas break. It's really quite amazing how quick the year goes as you get older. Anyone else have this issue. Haha I remember when Christmas used to take forever to arrive and now it's here and gone before you can blink your eye.

       I know I haven't posted any new recipes lately which is horrible, course I don't post much of anything anymore..but I will be posting some soon that I can promise. I need to use these WLS friendly cook books I got or the hubs will kick my arse. Haha

      Well, not too much else t report so I will catch ya'll on the flip side.

Recipe Entry #1 - Taco Pizza

2010-11-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

Sorry there is no pics for this recipe I promise to take pics for all the following ones though.

1 - Whole wheat Pita shell

1-2 TBSP of your choice of Taco sauce

1 serving (usually 3 ozs) of mexican cheese - I buy Kraft low/fat Free

~ Preheat over to 350 degrees.

~ Lay the pita shell on a cookie sheet

~ Spread the taco sauce all over

~ Sprinkle with cheese.

~ Bake at 350 degrees for about 15-20 mins depends on how you like your crust.

~ When you pull it out of the oven cut it into normal pizza slices, it makes 4 slices per pita shell.

Enjoy! :-)

I Am Still Alive...Busy But Alive

2010-11-02T11:15:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's hard to believe it is November already and my last post was October 17th, what a slacker I have been, and that makes me angry at myself.

So, on October 26th I hit the 3 month post op mark, with a loss of 77lbs I think it was. I was super happy. As of this morning I am down 82lbs weighing in at 250lbs. I am so happy because I have been slacking on the exercising which I know is completely horrible, I went to the gym the other week and jogged 10 mins and walked briskly for 20 mins. I was so sore for days after that I just stopped going to the gym and now when I think about it I never want to go. The family and I did go last Friday and went swimming for a few hours, boy does water basketball work your ENTIRE body!

Other then that...Let's see school is still pushing forward we are half way through the first semester and I have all A's or B's except in A&P I have a C- and a C which is still passing but I wish it was better. In a few short weeks once the semester if over I will find out if I can take the "Teas Exam" which is the entrance exam for the nursing program at my school, cross your fingers.

I have also been remodeling the kitchen, just a few more details to get done I am excited, it is really looking nice. Work still sucks, things slow down when you don't actually work. Haha which has lead me to the financial issues we are having now, but soon to be back on track. I never realized how hard it would be to balance all this "normal" life stuff on top of being a college student and bringing home good grades. Whew but I am going to make it through and be successful in this adventure of mine.

Other then those few things, nothing too much has been happening, just balancing life and pushing forward. I guess that may be why I haven't written. I did purchase a size Large shirt about 2 weeks ago and it fit perfectly which was a major NSV for me.

I have been snacking alot on chips and stuff of the like which I know to be bad, but I am trying to stop it is hard though now that I started. I have not had any sweets yet though and I honestly do not plan on having any. I am so afraid of the dumping syndrome, it's like my cup of pineapple I got from the vending machine yesterday for lunch, it had 18 grams of sugar I was so afraid to eat them, but I ended up eating 4 pieces and then taking the rest home and I didn't feel sick so I think the "sugar" must have just been the fruit itself.

I am starting a new adventure, I have like 5-10 healthy eating and life after wls cook books, I am going to take a book each month and each day make one recipe from it, I think if I have some time I might share them on here, so that any one else out there who has had wls can use them. I made a "Taco Pizza" the other night for me, I will share that recipe next.

~ Been Along Time ~

2010-10-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

It has been what a month or something since the last time I logged into this blog to write, I am so sorry that amount of MIA is unacceptable, but in my defense...It has been hell lately.

I started school at the end of August, and it is going good. Although I find myself spending more time studying and writing essays then anything else it is going better then I had anticipated. I am down 71lbs as of this morning, that's right only 262lbs! I am super excited over it.

We recently attended a wedding for Ryan's cousin and it was beautiful, I wore a dress that I haven't worn EVER, and it fit and looked so nice. See...

It was a nice time in general at the wedding, although I will say it bothered me a bit when they brought out the cake and ice cream and set it down before me. I was so tempted, I tried to talk myself into it, thanks to my husband though who took it away from me. Ryan also helped me clean my plate, cause I was worried about offending someone by not eating much, but he ate what I didn't. Poor man had two meals that night. LoL What we do for love!

I have also begun remodeling my kitchen, I am turning it into a 50's diner, I can't wait to take come pics once it's done to show you all. Ryan and I watched a good movie the other night called "Julie & Julia" I never knew it was based on a true story, I also never knew cooking to be so "therapeutic" Sometimes I wish I could cook, I just don't have the time to put in to all those elaborate meals.

Work has been slow and I think that is only because I have been so busy with school, that I never work! Getting a few bucks sucks when you got more debt then income. Haha Oh well this weekend made up for the past week.

I decided what to do for Ryan's BIG gift this year...I am going to create a "Man Cave" in the basement room for him, It's hard to keep it a secret though cause he wants to know why he can't go into the room, and I told him it's for a contest and I was him to be surprised by my creativity. LMAO What a bad liar I am but I must be good enough cause he bought it...for now.

I made a video on YouTube today with my anatomy terms for an exam on Thursday, I have been listening to it for over an hour now...man I hope it works and sinks in. My brain is so old and out of study wack that I am not sure how to retain information anymore. I suppose the more I try the better I will become at it.

My one cat has a bladder that is smaller then that of a normal cat, so he is now prone to UTI, which he just went to the vet for on Friday, poor little guy now that he has peed everywhere the new kittens think it's ok, so I am trying to deter that behavior now. It never ends!

Landon got in trouble in school not too long ago, some kid accidentally hit him in the face with his jacket and Landon turned around and just punched the kid in the stomach. Ugh why can't he be the innocent little boy he was 2 years ago! I am not ready for this!

So, I should be going and get downstairs and get some primers on these kitchen walls so that tomorrow night I can pain them and then later this week put my wall border on...It's coming together slowly but surely.

Monday Was 8 Weeks, But The 26th Is 2 Months...

2010-09-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

It's crazy how that works, huh? Yesterday marked 8 weeks and yet my two month surgiversary is on the 26th of this month. Wow, well anyways it has been so busy with school that I haven't had time to keep up with this or my YouTube as I would like, but I am trying to get on as much as I can.

Today, I had an A&P test, 100 point exam on chapters 2 &3...I passed with a 72% which isn't the best but atleast it is passing. I studied hard too which is why I was disappointed in myself. This isn't looking good, a 76% on my Psych exam and not a 72% on my A&P what is wrong with me!?

I wish I could quit working because then I could focus all my time on the house, the baby and school...Not in that order of course. :-) but alas I can't stop working, my little paychecks are used for something or another. But I am pushing through trying to focus more on school and less on work, especially since I came to this new company I don't have to really do much, just kick back and wait for the calls to come through dispatch. It makes it nice and shitty at the same time.

I weighed in this morning at 278, and I also started my monthly cycle which I believe is why the "chip craving" hit and why I have been teetering between 278 and 279 for about 3 days now. I am not complaining, it's like I told my husband I am still loosing and way less then I was before so I am not complaining. I am sitting back and enjoying the ride. I love waking up each day and having a bit more energy and having a new outlook on life.

So, today we went and picked up our two newest arrivals, we got 2 baby boy cockatiels they don't have names yet but they are adorable. They aren't that old either still drinking formula. I am so happy ever since my Petey died I have wanted another bird and finally I found these two little guys. Boy oh boy do they poop! All over my new shirt.

Yes, it's true I finally wore a 2XL shirt today for the first time and it is covered in bird poo, my husband says "The first and last time you wear that shirt" haha I sure hope not. Well, it is late and I am exhausted but I wanted to let you all know I am well and still on track...I miss you all and hope you all are well.

Welcome To Week 7 Post Op

2010-09-13T17:28:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been 7 weeks already, time sure does fly by quicker then the blink of an eye. It's amazing that only 7 short weeks ago I was at my highest weight of 332lbs and today my lovely scale has informed me I am 281 lbs, for a loss totally 51 lbs in 7 weeks.

I will admit when I was waiting to have my surgery I was skeptical, thinking this will never work, I am going to fail this like all the diets, it's a waste of time, blah blah blah...but it is happening, I am not failing, yes I may have days where I gain a pound or two but that gives me the motivation I need to go to the gym and burn those calories off!

I am so thankful I got to be blessed with this surgery. I am actually writing about it for my Composition class in school. So, more news...On the 7th of this month our two newest little kittens got to come home, we named them Yue (You-ay) and StarFox, they are brother and sister and have the most traumatic story behind them.

There was a house fire, and the firefighters rescued three kittens and a momma. They had to give the kittens mouth to mouth as they were unresponsive when they were pulled out, the Momma was dead already and nothing they could do, so they did the mouth to mouth on the kittens. They lost one, but these two pulled through and made it. When we brought these little tykes home they were so afraid they didn't come out from under the bed. They wander the house now with the other 4 cats but are just a little skiddish around us (humans) and they HATE the dogs! Haha

Here is a picture of them... The first is of Yue - My sweet little girl and the second is StarFox my inquisitive little boy...

Those pictures were taken the day we brought them home, they have since put on a little weight and don't look as dirty. Haha

School has kept me so busy, I actually have an exam tomorrow in A&P which as soon as I am done here I am going to go study for. I hope everyone is having a nice week.

Sorry - It's Been So Long - 6 Week Post Op

2010-09-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

Helllllooo there! It's been forever I know and I do apologize for that! Things that have been happening...Well, I weighed myself on the 4th and was down to 285 lbs which is a total loss so far of 47lbs! Woot Go me! Haha

I also fit into a size 26 jeans, which has not happened in...ummm...oh I dunno...2 years maybe! Like OMG! :-)

I have a belt which is too big to wear now, I tried to wear it yesterday for our picnic and I ran out of holes, my husband told me he could make me some more but I opted to get rid of the belt instead and use a smaller one which I had in the closet. So freaking exciting, I don't think ANYTHING has ever been too big on me before!

My boobs are deflating!!!!! I noticed it the other day I was kinda sad but then excited too, cause they were too big to begin with! Haha.

School started last Monday and has been keeping me super busy, but I like it so far. I just hope I have what it takes to make it through.

I quit my job at this one company I was working for cause they tried to decrease my pay, and I began working for a new company. It's a little less pay but more bonus opportunities so I could actually end up making more every 2 weeks then I did every week at the previous job. So, it's a big change but a good one...I hope.

Let's see what else...Sorry to be so quick about this but I have to work and get my Psych homework done yet today...ooohh yea I am adopting 2 kittens, they were in a house fire and have noone to love them, they are brother and sister. I will post pics when they come home tomorrow night with me. They are adorable...But now I need names...

So, once the two new arrivals come that brings the pet count up to...*drum roll* 6 cats, 2 dogs, 1 tortoise, and 1 fish. Haha I love my hectic crazy life! I would not have it any other way.

Well, I think that is all I wanted to say...so I will be off now but will talk to you guys soon...I promise!

If you haven't already check out Lauren's Hope

Before - @ 332lbs

1 Month Post-Op - @ 290lbs

The Good, The Bad, Then There Is This Past Week...

2010-09-02T18:29:00.000-07:00

My back hurts, my house is dirty, my dogs got fixed, my litter boxes need changed, the rugs need vacuumed, I am tired, I feel nauseated ALL the time, my legs hurt from working out, and I missed the gym today!

Plus, there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to complete all the things I need to complete! I am so frustrated! I guess it's just all catching up with me. School if going really good though, I like it alot and really think that if I apply myself I can and will make it through and become an RN.

Ok, so anyways...Monday marked week 5 post op...I weighed in at 290lbs which was a loss of 42lbs lost total, and that was awesome I was so glad, then I weighed in this morning at 289lbs which is a loss of 43 lbs total! Even better!

I have been at the gym almost everyday for 2 weeks straight now, I do the treadmill and yesterday I lifted weights...nothing major just a little.

I am just so sick of being sick! It seems all I am anymore is nauseous all the time, every time I eat, don't eat...The only thing that doesn't make me sick is drinking! I just feel like I should curl up in the corner and cry! It's horrible. I hate being sick, I hate not working out, I hate my house being nasty, I hate having over $3,000 in hospital bills from this fucking surgery! I am just sick of it all! Makes me wanna just do what I do now and never better myself. But I know that is just my emotions talking and it isn't true!

So, anyways...School is going good, got some homework and shite to do, papers to write and lectures to watch but it is good, I really enjoy being back in school. Thanks for listening to me bitch and moan like a little baby.

My Appology

2010-09-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

5 Week Post Op - 1 Day Early

2010-08-29T17:30:00.000-07:00

This is me at 290lbs!

I wanted to make an update video tonight, and when I tried to upload it...it won't upload...finicky little piece of crap! Well, anyways for those who read my blog I will share the news with you.

You know how I mentioned I have been 293 for 2 days now...Well, I woke up this morning and again weighed myself, yes I am a daily weigher, and the scale read 290! Which is a total loss of 42lbs I was freaking excited!

Even though the gym was closed today I did still work out, we went to Lakemont park with Landon's grandma and we walked and sweated, Ryan, Landon and I even took a 15 minute paddle boat ride...Which let me tell you...IS A TOTAL LEG WORKOUT! But I felt awesome afterwards, I even rode rides today which I normally don't do cause I never fit in them.

School starts tomorrow and it almost seems unreal...I am going to be a student full time in just a few short hours. Wow, it is super exciting and yet terrifying as well. Oh well this will better me for me and for my family.

A New Has Dawn....I Am Enjoying Life Today...

2010-08-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

I woke up today...still standing strong at 293 thank heavens! I did go to the gym all by myself today to work out. I busted ass on the treadmill...Incline 6.0, Speed 2.9, Length 30 minutes, Average heart rate 180. I must say I took Friday off to go bowling and today was rough, I had to seriously push myself to make it to the 30 minutes and not stop at the 10 like my mind tried to tell me to!

I pushed on and let me tell you I burned 400 calories and felt amazing afterwards! I came home and got a shower and did my hair and makeup for the picnic we went to today, I had no clue what to wear...So I settled on my recently fits 3X neutral colored tank top and a little shrug, also a 3X...but that left me with a need of pants...Hmmm jeans and a belt or capris, well I have this one pair of jean capris, but they are a size 26 and I knew they wouldn't fit, but for fun I tried them...THEY FIT! I wore them! There was no other choice after that moment.

It felt great, I bought these capris last year before we went to the beach, and they were "Suck in the gut by laying on the bed, then have the flab hang over the edge" type of capris back then, now today they were a tad bit snug but nothing uncomfortable! I was so freaking happy, I went to the spare room in only my capris and stood in the doorway with this shit eating grin on my face. My husband looked up and was like "what the hell is wrong with you?!" Yea not the reaction I had hoped for but I suppose the capris didn't excite everyone like they did me, so I had to tell him about them, then he smiled and said great, good for you and went about his work on the laptop...Ugh men you have to love them...sometimes. LoL

So, today all in all has been great work is picking up finally, and I talked to Trena, I went to a picnic and ate some yummy food...Not too much just enough. I did cheat today and had 6-10 goldfish crackers dipped in sour cream, but I controlled my urge to binge and only had 6-10 which I was happy and proud of. I have realized that there will be times I cheat, but knowing when to stop and say enough is the key, not to binge and over eat is key, and to cheat with a semi healthy snack is key!

I haven't been keeping track of my intake for food or water the past 2 days, which by some strange reason is making me more aware of what I eat, I have heard that counting calories and keeping track helps keep you on the path, but I have also heard that it makes you consume more then if you didn't keep track, so I am testing the theories.

But you know what..."Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels!" and with that I am heading to work to try and make a few more bucks tonight before bed time. Hope ya'll who read are having a nice week.

What A Day....What A Day

2010-08-27T20:13:00.000-07:00

I had a complete break down today, I got yet another bill from the hospital where I had my surgery. This one was for $891.09 and the previous was for $1,309.90. I am expected to pay both bills and this is after I had already paid over $3,000 before surgery!

So I cried and cried, wondering what the hell to do, I even made a YouTube video and got alot of responses from my wonderful friends. Monday I am going to call and ask the insurance company what is up with these bills. I think it has something to do with this "investigation" they are doing to see if I had a pre-existing condition before I was picked up by this new insurance.

Once my husband and I got married I was switched to this new insurance AFTER I was guaranteed things would work out and be ok and there would be no complications when it came to getting my WLS...Which is true they approved it and everything went smoothly but now they are wanting to know about my previous insurance and whatnot...I don't understand but I gave them everything I could and we shall see what happens now.

I do have some good news I went back down to 293!! Woohoo, so I lost a total of 39lbs again! Haha I have been at the gym every night for almost 2 weeks, the past 2 days I do 30 minutes high impact on the treadmill and swim 200 meters or more. My treadmill at home the walking belt went so I had to order a new one, well I ordered the wrong size, whew thank heavens they are shipping me out the correct size with no more money from me.

So, tomorrow I might go to the gym in the a.m and just do the 30 on the treadmill cause we are going to a picnic at the neighbor's parents house all day tomorrow, and then on Sunday we are meeting Grandma Janet at Lakemont park to spend the day, so this weekend will be jam packed!

We did go bowling tonight, the first game I scored 133 points! I know totally crazy I did completely suck the second game though. Haha what can I expect, right?! Well, I have been trying to drink more then I eat now...not a full liquid diet but close to it, which is why I think I lost those 2 lbs to bring me back to 293 lbs.

Well, I suppose I should be done ranting, raving, and whining. Haha

Happy 1 Month Surgiversary To Me

2010-08-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

Well, today is August 26th. One month ago today I would be just coming out of recovery. It is amazing how quick this month went. It seems like I was just entering the OR and here I am on my own and learning how to redo things.

Sometimes I still feel like a child having to relearn how to think, eat, act, exercise, and be. It is definitely a trying journey but one I would do over again if I had to. I would not trade this gift for anything.

I have lost a total of 39lbs in this one month but gained 2 lbs back, for a total loss of 37lbs which is ok with me, I am so sick of the plateau but thanks to Rosemary I realize my body may just be catching up and still healing from the rearranging that went on, just a month ago.

I will reach my goal of 140-150 in time and at my own pace, a pace which is all mine and good for me. I compare myself to other's journey and that is where I get upset, they are their own person and I am my own person. We all loose at different rates and we all react differently to the surgery.

As long as I stay on track and be smart and exercise my goals will be within reach soon enough!

I did do 30 minutes on the treadmill last night, at a 5.5% incline and a speed of 2.9 MPH, I got my heart rate up to 185 and worked really hard, I was a sweaty bitch by time I was done, my legs were Jell-o but I felt amazing! I then went swimming for about 30-40 minutes as well. I was so tired last night but it was all worth it!

I was very proud of myself, I walked 1.25 miles I was going for the "couch to 5K" but I was unable to finish, but I am still proud of myself for doing what I did.

Tonight, I will go back to the gym and I will power walk for my 30 minutes and then enjoy the pool for another 30 minutes and be content that I know that I worked out hard today!

Lauren's Hope - Medical Alert Jewelry

2 Days Away From 1 Monthiversary

2010-08-24T12:26:00.000-07:00

That's right here I am only 2 days away from my one month surgiversary and I have lost 39lbs and holding! Literally! I mean for the past 2 weeks I have been between 293-295 and it's so frustrating. I wish I could loose some more before Thursday.

My treadmill belt broke yesterday so I had to order a new one, and am totally bummed that I haven't been able to work out on the treadmill for the past 2 days. But I had it shipped through FedEx so it should be here between 1-3 days, I hope! I just checked and it should be here tomorrow! I can't wait so it only took 2 days then, well on the 2nd day it came that is if it comes tomorrow!

I hope tomorrow brings a loss, so that I can start to feel better, right now I feel like such a failure like I am falling off the wagon and will never reach my goal, like I am failing this "diet" even though I have been trying very hard and have been staying on track. UGH so frustrated.

If you haven't checked out Lauren's Hope - Medical Alert Jewelry please do so, it's a great little site with tons to offer!

Being Held Accountable

2010-08-22T12:56:00.000-07:00

So, a friend of mine..."bandedwendy" had always been so proud to be a sweaty bitch and I never knew why until now. Today I did 15 minutes on the treadmill, a even jogged a few steps. I was so sweaty that this picture doesn't even capture it!

I feel absolutely amazing, like I worked my body enough to burn some calories and make a difference. I am going to be posting each time I work out with a pic well the pic will be a possibility, that way I can be held accountable for it.

Accountability is crucial when it comes to weight loss, if we have noone to answer too, cheating becomes too easy and I have come to far to cheat now! It is a new day and the time to begin anew. This is my new life!

"I am in control, not food"

"I eat to live and no longer live to eat!"

Lauren's Hope - Medical Alert Jewelry

Lauren's Hope Medical Alert Bracelets

2010-08-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

Alot of people who have medical problems or wls need to have on them a medical alert piece of jewelry at all times, little do they realize though they can have a stylish one. This site Lauren's Hope makes beautiful bracelets, necklaces, and all sorts of things...all of which are used as medical alert items. I love this site! If you get a chance please check it out.

Lauren's Hope - Medical Alert Jewelry

Another Day & A New Begining

2010-08-22T09:18:00.003-07:00

So, last night we went to the drive-ins and I actually had some tortilla chips with cheddar cheese, thinking about it then I didn't think it was too aweful for me...But waking up today I realized...I screwed up and "cheated"! I feel horrible about it, I wasn't even thinking clearly!

So, I decided to put a rubber band on my wrist...anytime food comes into my mind and I am not hungry I am going to snap my rubber band, kinda like a wake up you idiot you are not going to ruin this "diet" you need to change your brain patterns! And that is what I shall do.

It is harder then I thought, I guess part of me was like this is the easy way out, I will have surgery and just automatically loose the weight and be skinnier and whatnot...Well, I was seriously mistaken, this is no way the easy way out...first you have a surgery which is major, then you have the emotional part to over come, the mental part to over come, it is a serious life change and it is hard!

It will take time and I realize this...I just am ready to be a better me, I did 10 minutes on the treadmill yesterday, sweating like a pig and I felt wonderful afterwards...like I accomplished something grand! BTW That was the first time I had ever been on a treadmill. Which for the first time made me proud that I pushed and did 10 mins. And another thing...10 mins on the treadmill is NOTHING compared to 10 minutes of plain walking.

Plain walking is so much more lower impact then the treadmill atleast in my opinion. But I now have decided to do the treadmill 15-30 minutes each day and then the days the pool is open swimming for 90 minutes minimum, since my son goes and I have to take breaks to help him and such.

This is a new day, my eyes are open, my brain will not overcome me today! I am in control of my brain as well as my body!

Head Hunger Issues

2010-08-22T09:18:00.001-07:00

I have been having a lot of head hunger lately...I sit at the computer to work and want food...something to snack on...and I know I am not hungry because I don't feel it and because I just ate breakfast. Although breakfast wasn't the healthiest...I had..

4 - Low Sodium Ritz crackers w/ a thin smear of all natural peanut butter
8 oz glass of milk

It did fill me up, I am not a big breakfast person...I don't usually do eggs and such but I think I will have to start, there is so much more protein in an egg then in 1 TBSP of peanut butter. This learning how to eat healthy is hard...but I am not giving up by any means.

I am hovering between 295 and 293 this week...I think I need to up my exercise, I have been doing 90mins of swimming everyday and I think I am going to throw the treadmill in there as well...

But back to this head hunger, I got this book from a good friend, Vikki..."Emotional first aid kit - a practical guide for life after wls" it talks about positive and negative self talk, what to do in situations where there is food...how to handle stress and all sorts of great topics. But it doesn't take the head hunger away, I am still battleing it. I usually eat snacks at the computer while I work, so I know I have to be on the computer and without the snacks, which is hard.

I keep sipping water but my mind just won't give it up, I have been trying to keep myself busy and it helps a bit but not totally...Does the head hunger ever go away or atleast die down a bit?! I sure hope it does, this is about the point (the 1 month mark) where I always fall off the wagon, but this time I will NOT fall off nor will I cheat. I can do this and I will do this! It is challenging that is for sure but the end result will be much sweeter then anything else in the world!

New Web Cam & Some News

2010-08-22T09:17:00.003-07:00

Well, finally after about a week of going between 296-294lbs and couldn't get down any further...Well, today I woke up and weighted myself this morning and am now down to 293 lbs! So I broke that damn plateau. Woohoo!

We went last night swimming again, I swam a good 30 mins. I felt amazing, my entire body tingled it was the best feeling. I wanted to keep on working out. Haha but it was too late.

I put on my normal pair of jeans this morning...they are a size 30W, and they are big on me...I ended up trying on a belt just for the heck of it, and it fit...The belt is a size 30W as well but I have it buckled a little tighter and so my pants feel more...stable. Haha I can't believe I am wearing a belt. I have not worn a belt since before I got pregnant with my son who is now 5 1/2 years old.

It's such a good feeling to be able to do things or wear things I haven't had on or done in years!

Well, that about sums up this portion. Haha the day is still young though I can't promise I won't be back later.

3 Weeks Post Op

2010-08-22T09:17:00.001-07:00

Well here it is 3 weeks out from surgery and I weigh 295 which is a total loss of 36lbs since I began this journey. Tonight my husband and I went to the YMCA, I swam for about 15 minutes and then rode the exercise bike for another 15 minutes. I must say my body physically felt like I wanted to do more, but my insides felt weird.

I actually thought I was going to be sick, but I ate a 1/2 of an egg salad sanwhich for dinner which made me feel much better. I think I was just burning more calories then I had inside me. Haha I figured out my totals for the day and I had 490 calories total today, give or take one or two.

I was upset by this until I realized that 490 calories for a day is nothing compared to the 3000+ I used to eat or the 1500 you are allowed to maintain a healthy weight. I suppose this whole thing takes getting used to. I am so afraid of gaining weight or failing this time.

It has been hard all my life diets work diets fail up and down and back up again is all it's ever been and I guess I am just waiting for the day when I go back up again..Kinda like the saying "If it's too good to be true it normally is" well that's kinda how I feel about this. Except I do understand that this is simply a tool and I still must work to achieve my goals. Which will happen..in time.

Food.....Finally!

2010-08-22T09:16:00.001-07:00

Well, on Friday the liquid diet became WAY too much for me and I started eating food. I know I know I should wait and follow my Dr's orders and whatever...but you know what I have so much more energy now and I am more willing to go out and walk or do things. I don't eat alot I keep it right about 2TBSP per meal of whatever I am eating and I mark down EVERYTHING calories, fat, protein, carbs, sugars, etc.

It feels so good to eat food, although I will say a few things about it...

#1 I am definitely still learning what it feels like to feel full with my tiny belly...I have certainly eaten too much at times and feel the pain afterwards but it is a learning process, so I now only take 2TBSP per meal.

#2. I am so guilty of drinking while eating and I know how wrong that is. I am slowly trying to get over that and not drink 30 mins before or after my meal.

#3. Head hunger is HORRIBLE I begged my husband tonight for a bite of his South Side Sub...and I knew it was not on the "to eat" list and I had JUST eaten dinner, I was not hungry but I wanted a bite of that damn sub, and you know what he told me..."NO" just like a great support person to any addict trying to overcome their addiction, he told me I could not have a bite that it was not a good idea. You know what I did...Pouted like a 3 year old! But I did get over it once I realized he was completely right, I went and appologized and thanked him for being strong when I was weak.

This is not going to be easy and I realize that more then ever now, but if I can stop smoking cold turkey I can overcome my addiction to food.

I do meet with the surgeon on Tuesday for my first follow up appointment and I am nervous...That is the other thing I wanted to say... Now that I am eating food, I keep feeling like I will overeat and gain all my weight back plus some again...It is a constant fear in my mind, I never want to be fat again, not that I am skinny but I never want to be 332lbs again, I am liking the 295lbs and I know I will love the 150lbs that will be soon to come.

I signed my family up for a membership at the YMCA yesterday and I plan on going daily even for 30 mins I need to exercise, and with school starting and winter coming I will need to do it indoors, I assume. I am actually very excited. I only lost 36 lbs so far but I feel more comfortable doing things on my own, before I would go nowhere without my husband but today at the bookstore I went and sat beside some older gentleman and read my book while my husband went and looked around.

This new life I have been blessed to have is going to be wonderful! I can't wait to start living it...Well I suppose I am 3 weeks into it by now. Haha. Life is great once again and will only get better!

My Story....

2010-08-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

Where shall I begin...I have been overweight since I can remember, which dates back till I was 3 years old, I remember having a little yellow bikini with black polka dots on it. That was the last time I remember before having to battle the overweight life.

High school was typical I had my friends but I also had alot of those people who were thin and thought obese people were disgusting, I admit there was a point I found myself disgusting. So, I dieted...for months and months I lived off one meal and water..I got down to 190lbs my junior year in high school which is not thin but it was thinner then I had been.

Slowly though I gained it all back and then some, when I was 20 years old the day I delivered my son I as 299 lbs. I as mortified being so big...But I did nothing and kept gaining...more and more...After I broke 300 before I was 23 I knew I had to do something I dieted again...lost 10-15 lbs and put it all back on...This was ridiculous!

Finally, at 25 years old I weighed in at 330lbs at 5'8" tall...I was out of control I knew I needed to get myself back...So I began looking into WLS...after Youtube, and google, and all those other places. I decided this past January I was doing it. I began the process.

I ended up losing 12 lbs on the pre-op liquid diet which I as happy. I had my roux-en-y gastric bypass done on July 26, 2010 by Dr Miro Uchal down in Pittsburgh, Pa. He was wonderful. I am now at 317lbs which is still going down but I am also only a few days post-op.

I will take this tool Dr Uchal & God blessed me with and use it to FINALLY get my life back!